


if u like pina coladas

by Zephyrcove



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Friend plotting, Idiots in Love, Modern AU, Texting, Wedding, Wedding date, groupchat matchmaking, lily needs a wedding date, marlene has a cousin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:00:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28743642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zephyrcove/pseuds/Zephyrcove
Summary: Lily is desperate for a date to Petunia's wedding, James has been pining, and their friends meddle ;)texting fic!
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 16
Kudos: 27





	1. getting caught in the rain

**Group: pink ladies but we don’t have jackets :(**

**Lily** _Friday_ _10:36 am_

birds

lasses

les femmes

i come bearing alarming news

**Marls**

LIL

spit it out

**Lily**

tuney’s wedding

i was meant to be a bridesmaid yeah?

but i made a joke about vermin at her fitting the other day 

and she’s proper pissed

bloody demoted me

**Alice**

Oh love :(

**Lily**

i accept it i suppose

should’ve known she wouldn't have a laugh

BUT this is not the problem !!!

see now i’m demoted to guest she’s bumped our cousin Agnes up

which means wretched Agnes has dropped her date in hopes for a groomsmen

**Dorcas**

an understandable choice

bit ambitious for Aggie though

i’ve seen her teeth

**Lily**

FOCUS

the issue at hand

is that since Aggie dearest has ditched whatever uggo she was bringing

there's an empty seat

a week from the wedding

**Alice**

Oh…

**Lily**

YES

OH

now i’m meant to-

no no it’s been DEMANDED

that i find a date to my hag sister’s wedding

in SEVEN DAYS

and she KNOWS i haven’t got anyone suitable and she’s so smug

so that’s The Mission™ 

find lily a date

get on it ladies

before i am quite literally murdered by a rented salad fork

**Marls**

Lily

not that this isn’t a dilemma

but

could u not have waited 5 seconds til we’re all meeting at Minnie’s?

**Lily**

no ACTUALLY

i could not

as there is no time to waste when up against Pet’s wrath

i expect u all to walk in with at least one suitable male suggestion at the ready

we’ve only got 20 mins before our chem lecture and we’ll need the time to debate

**Alice**

Debate what love?

If you’re this desperate surely anyone we suggest will have to do

**Dorcas**

it’s not as though you’re in a position to be picky if you’re asking us to set you up

**Marls**

well i’m walking up the steps now

but lily I’m sure you can guess who my suggested suitor will be

if you’ll all recall my cousin james’ xmas party 

where we watched him ogle our lily for half the night

he’d never say no to u red ;)))

**Lily**

hnnnghhhhhhh

**Alice**

If need be you can borrow Frank

**Dorcas**

best I’ve got is Amos

would be a bit awkward to set the two of you up tho

seeing how i ghosted him for Marly after a month of talking

**Marls**

aww dorky

i forget that not only did i get u i also bested a man

truly the most beneficial relationship ours is

**Dorcas**

<3

**Marls**

<3

anyways lils

you know what this means

>:)

james is your best option

and i really don’t want this to monopolize our coffee break

so if u could just take his number and we can get on with it

<3

**Lily**

have u no heart

for the last laments of a desperate women

doomed to perish at the hand of bridezilla

but no i wouldn’t want to take more than 20 MINUTES OF YOUR DAY

**Dorcas**

always so dramatic lily

**Marls**

a perfect match for james

besides u know i care

i just also know that i'm right

_[Contact: James Potter]_

**Lily**

hnnngghhhhhh

god

fine

spose he wasn’t the worst at christmas

could’ve done without the mistletoe pranks from his m8 but alas

desperate times

could u give him a head’s up i’ll be texting him Marls?? 

sigh, tHaNkS fOr aLL yOuR HeLp girls

see u in lit’rally a few secs xx

**Message: Lily Evans, James Potter**

**Lily** _12:04pm_

hullo

hopefully Marlene’s messaged you but

I’m Lily

the desperate sad sack girl in need of male accompaniment

**James**

AH yes

lily

debbie downer from the christmas party

**Lily**

excuse me???? >:(

**James**

bollocks

no offense!

only that u were sulking during ‘escape’ and anyone

who can keep a frown through that has to be truly down 

**Lily**

escape…?

**James**

u know

if u like pina coladas

or getting caught in the rain

song from the 70’s ?

**Lily**

aaahh

yes

well

was not at my peak form this christmas

had my sister’s engagement party

forced to chum it with her rubbish fiance and co

looks like a bloody whale, loves drills, hates me

anyways

my apologies for the lack of escape enthusiasm

hopefully that is not a dealbreaker on the wedding date front???

**James**

hmmm well…

**Lily**

u don’t want to play with me rn

i'm a woman on the brink

**James**

no

i suppose i can look past it

may need a redo at your sister’s reception though

**Lily**

may be a bit difficult considering Petunia only listens to Joni Mitchell and Coldplay

abhors anything written pre-cell phone UNLESS it’s referenced in “Love, Actually”

hence, the Joni Mitchell Exception™

**James**

but of course

the only woman who can make a cold english wife feel

i’d expect nothing less

may have to vom about the Coldplay bit tho

if that’s the tip of her iceberg i can only imagine the gravity of your datelessness

reckon i could make it happen

escape, that is

**Lily**

yes I've heard her crying to 'Yellow' one too many times

i would be very impressed if you were able to derail Tuney’s wedding with unapproved music

might swoon then and there

but yes you seem to be grasping the state of desperation I am in re: wedding date

as if it wasn’t already clear in getting an out the blue text from your cousin’s rando mate

**James**

lmao

nothing to worry about

i am happy to be of service

i am at your beck and call for all your wedding escort needs

once u provide me the details of the event ofc

**Lily**

my first beck is to purge “”escort”” from your vocabulary

no need to make me sound like I pulled you from the streets for a quick romp 

_[Lily’s Wedding Itinerary MUST FOLLOW.docx]_

there’s the very detailed schedule i’m expected to adhere to

so i s’pose it applies to u as well

black tie, i’m wearing pale yellow as required by my sister

“farthest from the lilac bridesmaids dresses so as to avoid any confusion”

to quote her exact words

hopefully that has all the info u need

bit of a word vomit for me to send a practical stranger but 

i think i’m past that point of embarrassment

**James**

lol ‘a romp’

that’s perfect yeah

gives me all i need to know

and way too much more

god you must be an angel to put up with this

a 12 page personal word document

at least u won’t have to endure it alone

:)

or remember it ffs its long

**Lily**

… 

:)

one way to look at it

hopefully she’ll approve of you as date material

that or absolutely hate u

not sure at the moment which would be more pleasant for me…

**James**

well I’m very adaptable

we can decide that night of

if your sister doesn’t decide it for us as soon as she sees me that is

anyways

let me know if u need anything else from me before the day?

or if u would want to meet up before at all?

we could grab coffee or smt

fuck didn’t mean

not that i WOULDN’T

**Lily**

JAMES

lmaooo

yes that might be good

meeting up that is

I’ll overlook the stammering if you buy me a latte ;)

**James**

brill

i can definitely do that

so festivities start thursday?

does tuesday work for a meet up?

**Lily**

sounds good :)

I have a bio lecture at 11, can we meet before?

say 9?

**James**

Perf

see you then \o/

**Lily**

\o/

**Group: entertainment 7/20**

**James** _12:33pm_

[screenshot]

lads

lads

lads

**Sirius**

“ah yes, lily”

very casual m8

you’d never know you’ve been obsessing over her since December

played it very cool

**Remus**

Esp love the way you immediately compared her to this woman

_[debbie downer.gif]_

Very smooth

I, too, would swoon

**Pete**

can we applaud the full sentences tho

much better than the first impression at the xmas party

bravo

**James**

u lot are absolutely useless

no clue why i keep u around XP

i’m just sat here in physics about to melt down because the fittest bird i’ve ever met needs me

but please

carry on harassing 

**Remus**

Well you keep me around because I’m the only sane one

**Pete**

and i cook

**Sirius**

mum would disown u if u ditched me and u know it

**James**

damnit

well

u could all be a it more helpful as i have a meltdown in the middle of a lecture on acceleration

at least i think that’s what it's on

seeing as my brain SHORT CIRCUITED the minute marlene texted me

“wotcher jam, lily’s about to text u about being her date to a wedding ur fucking welcome cheers”

**Sirius**

what a goddamn marvel of a text to send on a wednesday morning

fucking love marlene

if she weren’t a wlw and i didn’t have rem just IMAGINE the chaos we could wreak together…

what could’ve been…

homosexuality strikes again

im gonna text her

catch up

let her know she’s a fucking legend

**Remus**

Ignoring all of that except my name love

In any case

You do have Marlene to thank 

**Pete**

A real one

_Sirius changed the group name to “Marlene Stans”_

**James**

ffs

is this cyberbullying

**Remus**

No James

This is just credit where credit is due

Anyways

What about this wedding?

You’re going I assume

**Sirius**

**we demand that you go

**Remus**

Right

**James**

of course I am

I’m not stupid

I’ve already agreed

she’s sent me the bloody word document so I think it’s too late to turn back anyways

**Sirius**

…

**Pete**

uh

**Remus**

I’ll ask

a word doc?

For a wedding?

**James**

oh yeah mates her sister’s mental

12 pages of detailed instruction on how to properly attend her wedding

batshit

but Lily’s great

funny and witty

besides we all knew there was no way I was saying no to her

anyways should be an interesting way to spend an evening at the very least

**Sirius**

i’ll cheers to that

**Remus**

Sirius it’s noon

**Sirius**

5 o’clock somewhere and all that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PSA I actually very much enjoy Coldplay but I needed a generic white man band to roast i hope you'll understand.
> 
> I'm very excited to finally post this! I've been working on it for months because I was trying to get it all finished up before I posted, but I've got a few done and I'm too excited so here it is!
> 
> Thanks to @efkgirldetective @frustratedpoetwrites for reading through all this and sorting out my messy vision with me!
> 
> Hope you like it! Comments and Kudos appreciated :)  
> 


	2. if you have half a brain

**Message: Lily Evans, James Potter**

**Lily** _Tuesday_ _9:05 am_

omw over, got held up by Marlene on my way out the door

if there’s lipstick all over my face you have to tell me

bc she AMBUSHED me James

anyways

see u in a few

**James**

i’m just inside!

no rush!

got a table by the window :)

bought your latte as per our last conversation

**Lily**

aww

much obliged

i am starving though so i'm hopping in line to grab a breakfast sandwich

**James**

ah! i see u

waving :)

**Lily**

gotcha

be over as soon as i’ve got my food

**James**

well i don’t know if i’ll survive the wait

i may perish

3 whole minutes

**Lily**

shove it u

no use being dramatic now

you’ve already proven yourself accommodating

**James**

shit

oh well

can’t help being the kind, understanding, patient soul that i am

XD

**Lily**

if u tell me ur an ‘XD’ user I’ll leave rn

I don’t even care my food’s not out yet

**James**

*gasp*

how dare you

slander my favorite emoticon

the XD family provides so much variety

besides you can’t afford to walk on me

**Lily**

oh god

just stop talking

if i weren’t so desperate…

sigh

alright i’ve got my brek i’m coming over so we can argue in person now

**James**

B)

**Group: Marlene Stans**

_ 9:30 am _ **Sirius**

Jam

Jimmy Jam

how’s it going

what’re you talking about

is she in love w/ you yet??????

**James**

bugger off we’re talking

**Sirius**

haHA he lives!

**Remus**

Sirius leave him

He’ll never speak in full sentences if he’s got to focus on you as well as flirting

**Pete**

truuuue lmao

**Remus**

boys

**Sirius**

right fine take it to the AJJC

**James**

???

**Sirius**

ssshhhhh don’t worry about it

go back 2 wooing jimmy

**Group: Anti James James Club**

**Sirius** _ 9:42 am _

right then

am i wrong in assuming

he’s gonna mess this up

most likely? 

right?

**Remus**

It’s highly likely.

As much as he’d like to believe it

He is not very smooth

He’ll be especially nervous considering how smitten he is with Lily

**Sirius**

so

what are we going to do about it

**Remus**

Let it run its course before we meddle?

**Sirius**

don’t be ridiculous Rem

_ Sirius added Marlene to the group. _

**Marlene**

oi what’s this then

**Peter**

we’re meddling with Lily and James

**Marlene**

ah, splendid

hold on

_ Marlene added Dorcas to the group. _

_ Marlene added Alice to the group. _

**Alice**

?

**Dorcas**

hello boys

**Remus**

Cheers, Dorcas

and Alice, thank god for one more sane person round here

**Sirius**

wotcher Rem

you’re just as sane as i am

**Remus**

Debatable.

**Sirius**

XP

**Marlene**

right then

ladies

the boys have told me they’re planning to meddle with Lily and James

presumably bc James is going to muck it up

**Sirius**

precisely Mar

**Dorcas**

well, Lil can hold her own, but she is a bit oblivious to her own feelings sometimes

**Alice**

Yes, may do them both well to have a GENTLE push from us.

Much as I hate interfering

Gentle.

**Remus**

Sigh

I s’pose you lot are right

They are both a bit clueless at times

**Sirius**

excellent

well, this calls for

_ Sirius changed the group name to “Operation Wedding Snog” _

**Pete**

oi

now we’ve got to make a new AJJC

>:(

**Sirius**

not the priority here Pete

**Pete**

>:(

**Remus**

Sirius no

_ Remus changed the group name to “Idiots in Love” _

**Dorcas**

much more sensible Remus

although i believe the first suggestion is an objective as well

**Sirius**

>:(

whatever

anyways

**Marlene**

ANYways

what’s our plan?

**Alice**

Essentially, I think the boys should bolster James and not let him do anything stupid

and we can check in with Lil and push her in the right direction, make her realize he’s great

**Dorcas**

yeah, great for beyond the wedding

**Sirius**

and the wedding night >:))))

**Pete**

???

**Remus**

Love, that doesn’t even make sense

It’s not their wedding

**Marlene**

I’m with Sirius

dirty deeds can and will happen >:)

**Sirius**

YES MARLY

>:)))))))

**Remus**

_ [peace sign guy disappearing.gif] _

**Message: Lily Evans, James Potter**

_ 5:20pm  _ **James**

hey! just got home and Sirius had on Derry Girls

thought of you :)

**Lily**

your friend’s got a class taste in shows

:)

we certainly covered a lot of ground this morning didn’t we

i think we’ll be prepared for anything Petty could throw at us

**James**

oh definitely

plus if her fiance is as heinous and shallow as you say,

if things get really bad we can always pull out the old “do you know who my father is??” thing

**Lily**

I’D ALMOST FORGOTTEN

as much as I’d like to hope it doesn’t come to that

I would LOVE to see you throw that in Vernon’s face

how important are drills NOW vermin

my date’s an heir

**James**

hey now

don’t go falling for me just bc I’m loaded

your fancy will only be accepted if you genuinely appreciate my dashing looks and witty repartee

**Lily**

_ [dana_scully_eye_roll.gif] _

but of course good sir

(heavy sarcasm implied)

**James**

B(

**Lily**

no no you’re lovely

your wit is unmatched

you’re a joy to be around

(please i still need you to be my wedding date)

**James**

B’(

**Lily**

no i really am kidding

i enjoyed our coffee date today

had to redo my horrible christmas party first impression

couldn’t have you thinking I’m a pina-colada-hating-debbie-downer forever

i’m usually quite the opposite in fact

glad i could clear up my loser status this morning

James?

**James**

yes here sorry

no offense taken

and I never thought you were a loser

“quite the opposite in fact” 

:)

**Group: Marlene Stans**

**James** _ 5:43 pm _

she called it a date XD

I may faint

yep just fainted

oh hell she’s still texting

more later lads

**Group: Idiots in Love**

**Sirius** _ 5:44 pm _

SHE CALLED IT A DATE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one day early for Lily's birthday :)
> 
> thanks as always to @efkgirldetective and @frustratedpoetwrites for beta
> 
> see you all next sunday, comments and kudos much appreciated!
> 
> find me on tumblr @zephyrcove

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @zephyrcove


End file.
